As A Man

14 April 2017

Oliver Rudge from he she they reflects on gender


As a man it’s okay to feel

And it’s fine to show that you do

 

There’s a constant stigma that this is weakness

But I was raised by a woman.

 

I expel this thought regularly but periodically it seeps through and it is this

 

I am terrified of losing my mother

And I am terrified of losing those who taught her

Because to lose those would mean that I lose a part of myself that I’ve worked so hard to solidify

Too hard to build for reduction

But I will at some point be forced to accept

Unless I go first

That nothing is perfect or ideal

So right now I’m fucking sad

I am a sad little man

And I thank the other sad little man for forcing me to feel like I do

Because I responsively realise that among the monstrosity of our world

That woman that brought me to life and taught me to live will always shine through


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Photo credit: Giulia Delprato